One habit, dare I say, tradition, when traveling by plane is to buy a cheesy paperback in the first airport and tote it around for the duration of the trip. My recent vacation to Oregon was no exception as I bought, and read, Tyrannosaur Canyon by Douglas Preston. As vacation fodder goes it was pretty good.
Rating: Light, fast-paced, and thick enough to last five days.
Yesterday afternoon I was able to pick Nekko up at the hospital and bring her home. Before leaving the hospital I was given a chance to practice injecting her with saline solution, and I got to observe how a pill should be administered.
The injections are going to be easy. The needle is amazingly fine, and at only 2 units of insulin per shot hardly any fluid goes under her skin. She didn’t react at all to the practice shot yesterday or the first one I gave her this morning. My fears about the shot, which had ballooned into visions of a blowgun, appear to have been unfounded.
The pills on the other hand are going to be a bitch. She is on Dilacor, a human heart medicine, once a day. The medicine comes in a large capsule that can be pulled apart leaving four caplets behind. With a pill cutter I slice each of these in half and give Nekko one (30mg) dosage every day. Yeah, right. And for the next ten days she is supposed to get Amoxicillin twice a day. Sure thing.
Mostly what we have accomplished pill wise is educating me on just how long a cat is willing to hold a pill in its mouth. Even after a full minute holding her mouth shut and praising her for taking her pill, it magically reappeared on the carpet seconds after I set her down. Thus far Nekko is winning the pill contest 4-0. But I’m on the insulin scoreboard where the score is Nekko 0, Me 1. Ha.
By the way, pet stays in the animal hospital are hugely expensive. Can you say eighteen hundred and eighty dollars and ninety-three cents? For three days? She’s worth it to me, but still.
After much deliberation and a couple of relatively sleepless nights, I’ve decided to continue Nekko’s treatment and bring her home.
It was pointed out to me that one of my options was permanent and the other wasn’t. That was a huge factor in the choice to continue. My significant other said that she is willing to work with me to help Nekko, and willing to work at our relationship within the new parameters Nekko’s illness imposes. To use her words, “we can have a relationship and a diabetic cat.” A ray of sunshine in an otherwise cloudy week.
This afternoon I should get the call saying she has been released and can go home. At that time I’ll get instruction on making the injections and giving her the heart pill. It’ll be an adventure. Ha ha ha.
I’m going to ask at the hospital if they have a list of nurses or technicians who want to make a little on the side - I’d like to have someone I could call to come and give Nekko her medicines if I wanted to be gone for a day or two. With an 81-year old father who has three different doctors who all want to perform surgery on him, soon, I’m going to need to go to Illinois some this fall and winter too. Without someone lined up an emergency would just spiral out of control.
I am cautiously optimistic that in a few days my life with have settled back into something approaching normal. Being out of my comfort zone with regards to Nekko this week has been exhausting emotionally and mentally. Once things subside to the normal level of chaos I’ll start to feel better.
In the computing world, at least on Microsoft products, the “undo” function is accessed by the CTRL-Z key combination. Undo is a powerful concept; one that unfortunately doesn’t exist in the real world.
The difference between bringing my cat home and not bringing her home is permanence. Once I make the choice not to assume responsibility for her treatment and care I can never undo that choice. I have to live with the consequences from that moment forward.
Bringing her home gives me time to see what it is like to care for her. Whether that situation lasts for a day, or a week, or a month, or years - it isn’t permanent. When (if) the responsibility of caring for her exceeds my ability and desire, then I can make the permanent choice.
Being an adult sucks sometimes.
The decision I am facing is a difficult one, there is no easy, clear-cut answer. There’s no easy clear-cut set of factors. Objectivity is impossible, and long term impact - regardless of the choice - will be profound.
My cat has diabetes and a heart murmur - both of with will require constant daily intervention upon my part if she is to live. The diabetes will require twice daily insulin injections. All the online literature I’ve read in the past couple of days indicates the treatment plan, like the cat, is individual. Some cats adapt to the new intrusions in their life and some don’t. Some don’t respond well to the insulin - their blood glucose levels never become stable and the caregiver spends a lot of time adjusting and reacting. The heart murmur will require one pill every day.
Both of these treatments will require that I capture my cat and hold her twice a day. Nekko isn’t that kind of cat. She has never liked to be held, and will hide in inaccessible places when she even suspects that someone wants to pick her up.
Fear: Trying to administer her treatment will cause her personality to change. She’ll run and hide from me as I will be the one making her take a pill every morning, and get shot twice daily.
My lifestyle will undergo a dramatic shift. Gone will be my ability to pack up and go at a moments notice. Even with prior planning I’ll have to hire a medical technician (or train someone) to come and give Nekko her pill and shots. After just starting to taste a fully engaged life again, losing control of it in this manner is almost more than I can bear.
Fear: I’ll resent Nekko for “taking away” my freedom. Consequently I’ll be rougher with her than necessary. The warm, loving relationship we’ve enjoyed thus far will be a distant memory.
In the past two months I have begun a relationship that I want to continue. It has become the focus of my life and has filled me with joy, wonder, and happiness. For reasons I am not going to elaborate on here, having to schedule my life around Nekko’s care alters the parameters that this relationship can take. It requires sacrifice on both our parts.
Fear: Adding a major stressor to a developing relationship is certainly a growth opportunity, it is also perilous.
The time when I’ll have to decide whether to assume the responsibility for keeping my cat alive, and accept the loss of freedom, and alterations to my personal life or to end her life is rapidly approaching.
I do not know what to do. I do not know how to make this choice. I am very sad.
The vet called at around midnight to inform me of the results of Nekko’s blood work. She has feline diabetes. Her body has entered a ketonic state, meaning that there are acids building up in her blood as a result of no insulin. She will be in the hospital for two to three days while they administer insulin and try to get her blood glucose level (BG) under control. Meanwhile I will have to undergo training on administering insulin and testing her blood to monitor BG.
( why does everyone and everything I love die? )
The site that is the most informative that I’ve found is Feline Diabetes. There is a particularly good page there for beginners. Sobering, but good.
In order for Nekko to live and have a good quality of life I will need to become an expert on BG in my cat. I’ll need to inject her (likely twice daily) with insulin, and prick her ear for a drop of blood to measure her blood glucose level. I won’t be able to go away unless I have expert, trusted care in place to perform these tasks for me. I love my cat dearly, but this is a huge, overwhelming thing to take in all at once.
Michele’s illness curtailed my activities and impacted my lifestyle. At times I was as much a prisoner of her illness as she was. That I am now faced with once again altering my lifestyle in support of one I love is almost more than I can bear to consider.
( how will I find the strength to do this? )
I have been through so much in the past couple of years. Getting the news that Nekko is ill, and will require constant care and attention in order to live, just knocked me flat on my back again. There is only one ray of sunshine in my life right now, and she is making the long drive here to be with me even as I write this.
I know that I am deserving of good, that I am a good man. I know that bad doesn’t seek one person out, that all of these tragedies and setbacks aren’t about me personally. But it is hard not to feel like someone has it in for me.
My flight home from Portland, via Houston, was rain delay a couple of hours so I arrived at 1:00 am instead of 11:00. After collecting baggage and driving home it was after 2:00 before I was back in the apartment.
Later on Sunday, deciding to trim my beard I grabbed the trimmer and commenced “trimming.” There seemed to be an unusual amount of hair being cut off. In fact there was a LOT of hair being trimmed. Seems that when the trimmer was knocked on the floor the week before my trip the depth setting was reset to “2” from its normal “6” or “7”.
It’ll grow back.
On Monday after getting home from work Nekko wasn’t herself. On Sunday it appeared that she was limping a little, and she seemed a bit subdued. After some deliberation I took her to the animal hospital. She is diabetic. Her condition is moderately severe due to ketone buildup and she will need to be hospitalized until at least Thursday before she stabilizes. At $4-600 per day cost to me.
Once she’s stable and I can bring her home I’ll have to learn how to inject her with insulin twice a day for the rest of her life. I’ll also become a frequent visitor to the vet as they will need to be involved in her treatment on an ongoing basis.
This is a cat who dislikes being held and hates being picked up.
Today I learned that she also has a heart condition that causes the muscle to thicken, reducing it’s effectiveness. So it works harder, thus making it thicker again. This can be controlled with medication, but that means getting my cat to swallow a pill once a day for the rest of her life.
I figure the car is going to explode tomorrow.
My cat Nekko is in the animal hospital tonight. Upon coming home from my week’s vacation in Oregon she wasn’t her old self. She was limping a little in her hindquarters, and seemed very still. Normally when I sit at my desk she comes and sits on the floor beside me and reaches up with her paw to touch my arm. she’ll do this until I reach down and rub her ears. She wasn’t doing that. I wrote it off as being a result of having me gone for a week.
Today when I got home from work her odd behavior continued. She would go lay beside her water dish and not drink. Normally she is a prodigious drinker, lapping away nosily for several minutes. She just seemed muted and unhappy. At the suggestion of a friend I called a vet who makes house calls and managed to get an appointment for tomorrow at 5:00.
After making that appointment, however, my concern continued to grow. Nekko just wasn’t being her usual self at all. She didn’t seem to be in distress, but she wasn’t well either. Eventually I called the 24-hour animal hospital and spoke to a technician there. Deciding that sooner was better than later I took Nekko to the hospital.
The initial report showed that she was a little dehydrated, and her temperature was down slightly. The doctor examined her and discovered that Nekko was constipated. As soon as she said that it all clicked into place for me. Between my being gone for eight days and a stranger emptying the litter, Nekko had become stressed and stopped going to the bathroom as a result.
They are keeping her overnight to put her on an IV to re-hydrate her, and to help her pass the blockage in her bowel. They are also going to do some blood work and get a urine sample. They are supposed to call me later yet this evening with the results from those tests.
I am hopeful at the moment that this is just a case of constipation and that, once that passes, her malaise will pass too. Still it is going to be a long night here without her.
My vacation is coming to an end. The past eight days have been good ones overall, not without some frustration and let down, but good nonetheless.
Planes and Automobiles Flying isn’t nearly has fun as it used to be. The security measures in place to make us all feel better are time consuming and aggravating. Hopefully they are effective. Not being able to take water on the plane is the one that gets me the most. I dehydrate in the pressurized cabin air, and not having a quart or two of water to drink makes that worse.
On the way out my connecting gates were as far away from each other as was physically possible in the airport. Even with the tram it took me a good twenty minutes to make the intra-airport journey from gate to gate.
Driving along the Oregon coast on Highway 101 wasn’t too bad. During the week there wasn’t much traffic. Yesterday coming back to Portland was the worst for traffic, and even that wasn’t terrible.
Oregon Coast, Rogue River, and Redwoods The Oregon coast is one of the most beautiful I’ve ever had the privilege of seeing. It is rugged and untamed. The state owns most of the shoreline and prevents development. Miles and miles of unspoiled beauty are the result.
The Rogue River trip was fun - touristy in a good way. I was slightly disappointed that the longer trip wasn’t an option (the river level is down), but I enjoyed the 32 miles of river I did get to see. This day was also the most poignant as I was by myself.
The Redwood grove we visited in northern California was amazing. I could have spend days in the woods there. There is an ancient feeling amongst the huge trees, a stillness and calm that is very inviting.
Being With My Dad It has been many, many years since I last traveled with my father. The two previous trips I took with him were successful in that we both enjoyed ourselves. This trip was also very enjoyable for both of us. If anything he’s mellower than he used to be, and I’m more assertive about meeting my needs. We had several good conversations about life and our situations. I think we have a better understanding of who the other is as a result. I consider myself very fortunate to be able to spend a week with my father.
Being Gone Every trip I take away from home comes with it’s own hidden cost. You are, after all, outside of your usual comfort zone. This trip was no exception. I had a fantastic trip, saw some beautiful scenery, and enjoyed myself. But my heart and thoughts kept returning to Kansas. The first chapters of the rest of my life are being written there and I am anxious to return to the story.
I’ve had a Flickr account for some time now, and occasionally upload a picture or three there. Thanks to the generosity of a very special someone ( ;) ) I now have a pro account and can upload 2GB a month.
This means that nearly all of the pictures I took this past week in Oregon and northern California are available for viewing online.
Enjoy.