The building where I work has a cafeteria on the ground floor, and vending machine areas on the third, forth, and fifth floors. Why the second floor got skipped is beyond me, and a subject for another rant.
The third floor vending room has a change machine, a soda machine, and a vending machine with the usual array of snacks and candies. Sodas are $0.75 each (water $1.25); items in the vending machine are either $0.75, $1.00, or $1.25. The maintenance schedule for the machines is haphazardous at best so on any given visit your odds on being faced with a change machine that is out of change, and a vending machine that is either out of change or unable to accept dollar bills, are high.
Some de-compiling of the vending machines interface was necessary to figure out what all of its messages meant.
Use Exact Change Only means it no longer can produce change. If you stick in more than the item costs, you aren’t getting any money back. In this mode it’ll still accept dollar bills.
Use Coins Only was a little trickier. At first glance this appears to mean no change can be given, like above. What it actually means is that machine’s bill reader storage unit is full. It can still produce change, but it can’t accept dollars any more.
Of course these two modes are hard-wired to the change machine. When the vending machine is either full of dollars or out of coin it triggers a state change in the bill changer causing it to be out of order. Fortunately there is a way to solve this problem: use the soda machine as a bill changer. It seemingly never runs out of change nor gets full of dollar bills; sticking a one into its slot and pressing the change return button produces four quarters. And sticking a quarter in and pressing the change return button results in two dimes and a nickel.
Having solved the puzzle like a good monkey I get my cheetos.
Next weekend, on my way to Chicago to see J & J publicly proclaim their commitment to each other, I am stopping off in Decatur. Like my last visit a few weeks ago I am simultaneously looking forward to, and dreading the time spent there. Mom’s initial diagnosis in February indicated a two month life-span, untreated. While she has been able to undergo some treatments, a scan last week revealed that the tumor has grown at least twenty percent. As she puts it, her condition is terminal. My father tells me that she is comfortable for the most part, and not in much pain. With no real roadmap there is no way to know when she will die.
And so I don’t know if this will be the last time I see her or not.
Being a grownup sucks, sometimes.
Several times now I have spent one or both weekend mornings camped out in various Panera Bread locations. On the surface this is an effort to get me out of the apartment, to do something different. Ever since I used to haunt the indoor mall in Springfield I have known that people watching works for me. I like the hustle and bustle of busy people. All those years ago, when I’d stand at the center court balcony railing and watch the people around and below me, my thoughts were of how different from them I felt. Obviously they were okay and I was not, they belonged and I didn’t. Today I feel similar feelings, although for vastly different reasons.
This morning, as I sit in Panera Bread, laptop open in front of me, my ulterior motive is that I’ll met new people. I am putting myself on display. While I am at times very conflicted about moving my life forward in the wake of Michele’s death, I am determined to keep moving. Still waters may be deep, but they also become stagnant and die.
Even as I write this posting I find it incredibly hard to be honest about wanting to move on from Michele. At some level I understand that I cannot but help to move on, the mere act of living and being will ensure that eventuality. The question I must pose of myself is whether I want to be actively involved in the direction the movement takes or am I willing to be swept along willy-nilly?
Being swept along willy-nilly offers the illusion of deniability; I didn’t plan on this or that happening - it just did. Unfortunately, not choosing to vote is still voting. Not choosing to have direction in my life is choosing an aimless and directionless existence. In order to have direction I must come to terms with being actively involved in stepping out of the shadow of my relationship with Michele. I have to accept that I am leaving parts of me and her behind.
So instead of actively seeking new people to know and, perhaps, develop a relationship with, I come to coffee houses and basically put myself in the way of people who I view as having something I don’t, in the hopes that they will approach me. So far it isn’t working very well, but at least I finally understand the compulsion behind it.
Empty Alone Scared Lonely Angry
Sad Numb Tired Bored Curious
Jealous Hurt Mistrusting Wary Uncaring
Regretful Sorry Unhappy Resigned Old
Husk Shell Void Empty Darkness
Pain Suffering Alive Worn Manic
Depressed Laughter Tears Optimism Futility
Unending Relentless Freeing Centering Gestalt
Love Apathy Caring Uncaring Motionless
Hope Faith Dawn Capricious God
This week I’ve been reading Company Man by Joseph Finder. The plot has a nice twist to it and over all the story was very satisfying. This books marks the first time I have been able to read in bed before going to sleep where I could focus on the text without my glasses. I’m not sure that made a good tale any batter but it did make it more fun for me.
Rating: Compelling and well-paced
What I like about film noir is the increasing state of confusion with which the central protagonist often finds himself embroiled. Where are the lies and where is the truth? Basic Instinct II captures, through plot twists and misdirection, much of what makes good film noir good film.
Unfortunately, I think this movie will suffer for the base aspects of sex and nudity that will be talked about and used to wrongly categorize a very good thriller.
Rating: Sexy who dunnit with an attitude
Spike Lee’s latest movie is wonderfully put together and beautifully acted. With a nod to the ultimate bank heist film, Dog Day Afternoon and a twist or two to keep you guessing, Inside Man does not disappoint.
Rating: See it the theaters, and then rent it when the DVD is released.
Everyday for the past nine days I have started the morning my covering first one eye and then the other to see what I could see. Everyday for the past eight days when I put my hand over my left eye what I see with my right has been blurry and out of focus beyond a range of eight or so inches.
Today when I tried my highly scientific little eye test I could actually read the computer screen at nearly arms length - with either eye. The text still isn’t sharp but it is a lot better than it was yesterday morning. My theory is that my eyes are going to be there best first thing in day as they’ve been relaxed and unused all night. In other words, I’m not going to be surprised if this new found focal distance fade a bit during the day as my eye gets tired.
Still is is hugely encouraging to see the text on the screen as well with my right (near) eye as with my left (far) eye. I think a celebratory breakfast at the local greasy spoon is in order. Hot-diggity.
For the past five years I have watched television primarily through the Tivo. The number of live programs that I watch has decreased almost to zero. I find this to be a largely a good thing. There’s only one problem.
The weather hysteria people feel it is necessary to cover the bottom THIRD of the screen with their scrolling gloom-n-doom banner any time there is more a single cloud in the sky. I particularly like it when the scrolling ticker is telling me about bad weather miles away to the east - downwind and moving away from me. Of course, thanks to the time shifting properties of the Tivo I am seeing this useless information days or even weeks after the event. While it is bad enough to have my show interrupted in the name of panic and fear when the program is live, to have it interrupted after the fact really sucks.
So, Tivo, if you are listening, figure out how to record the show from the national network feed rather than the local “we want to be your parent because you are too dumb to stay in out of the weather” idiots.
Several weeks ago I happened to drop into the management office here at the apartment complex. The woman that Michele befriended still takes care of the cats when I am away and I was setting her up for another weekend. In passing she told me that my troublesome upstairs neighbors and their “Jerry Springer Show” approach to life were moving out. At the time I was pleased but I really didn’t put too much stock into it as I didn’t want to get my hopes up. This afternoon, coming home from a late lunch I discovered a large moving truck blocking my garage and theirs.
They are actually moving out.
Ding Dong the witch is dead, the wicked witch is dead.
While I am mildly irked that they blocked my garage without so much as a by-your-leave, I’ll put up with it as the bastard is finally going to be gone from my life. No more midnights spent listening to screaming matches, no more sea of cigarette butts in the lawn, no more incessant barking from their small yapper type dog, no more incredibly loud car coming into and out of the garage at all hours of the day and night. no more anything.
Good riddance.
Best part - I know that the complex has a number of empties so the odds are this place above me will stay empty for at least two months.
Michele would have so loved this event.