“Line up!”
With that single command the test had begun. I raced to my spot on the floor. Once there I stood firmly at attention. My focus both inward and outward. Four and half years of training, four and half years of blood, sweat, and tears, four and a half years of my life was coming to an end. If I were successful, the end of the day would see me a black belt in karate-do.
Four and half years earlier I had begun a journey towards myself. The external, visible part of this journey could be seen in the movements of my art as I moved back and forth, across the floor, in time with the shouted commands from my sensei. The internal, personal part of this journey could not been seen by anyone by me.
The warm-up exercises completed and the test moved into kihon, or basics. The ritualized movements to the steady tempo of half barked commands was familiar and new at the same time. Well-practiced patterns of muscle and mind seemed to happen without thought, without impetus. The mind of no-mind. Mushin. The primitive mind takes over, freeing the higher mind. The focus and concentration act like a lens to sharpen thoughts and ideas. The sweat acts like a lubricant for the gears of the mind.
The basics are completed and my mind is clear and sharp now. All the worries and troubles from the outside world have ceased to exist. I have completed the transformation from my outside self to my inner self. I am lose and free, ready for the challenge ahead.
Kata, the forms of karate-do are next on the schedule. The sensei invites someone to start and I spring to be first. I assume a starting position in the center of the floor. Composed and calm I prepared inwardly for the kata I’ve chosen to perform. The kata is only several dozen moves, some fast, others slow. In my mind time stops, all external stimulus is gone. The kata is my beginning and ending. I start where it starts and I end where it ends. I finish, remembering and not remembering the preceding two minutes. I know that I have performed one of my best katas. Returning the line to wait while the others completed their forms I feel more completed than ever before.
Self-defense is next. Working with partners, grabbing, holding, and breaking free and grabbing again. The shared energy between two people, united and opposed, in one purpose. Ying and yang. Positive and negative, opposite and the same. When you are on, and your partner is on, the result proves that the sum of the parts can be greater than the whole. The physical forces are great, the air crackles with the meeting of our two spirits. Giving yourself completely to the waza, or technique, is the only way to complete it. Total trust in your self and the other. Only by utter giving up control can you be totally in control.
The test concludes with sparring. For me the toughest test of self, for it requires that I go to places inside myself that are darker, more feral than what I want to admit exist. In order to dominate the match I must first dominate my own fears. The feelings skate dangerously close to anger and they frighten me. The struggle in the ring is matched by the struggle within me. In order to win the point I have to accept that I have defeated the other. My success is equal to their failure. It is only sport, but it mirrors the outside world. It is the only time that I feel the pressures of living in today’s competitive world intrude on the sanctuary of the dojo.
The test is completed. My body is now tired and spent. I have given my whole self to the challenge and for that reason I cannot fail, regardless of the outcome. The review panel retreats to discuss and weigh our performances. In previous tests this is where my belief faltered and I questioned myself. Today I don’t have these doubts. I have finally mastered my need for control and given it up to the Tao.
Finally the review panel returns and we line up again. We have all been transformed by the experience. The metal of our spirits has been strengthened on the forge of this test. Sensei calls my name and I move quickly to a spot in front of him. With great emotion in his voice he extends his hand to meet mine and congratulates me on successfully completing my first step towards spiritual maturity. The rush of emotions floods through me. I managed to complete the ritual of passage and return to my spot. The same spot I started in hours earlier. I am the same and not the same.
The boy-man who began this journey over four years before is now a man. The enormity of my accomplishment overwhelms me and I cry. I cry tears of joy and tears of ecstasy.
Come live with me and be my love, And we will all the pleasures prove That valleys, groves, hills, and fields, Woods, or steeply mountain yields.
And we will sit upon rocks, Seeing the shepherds feed their flocks, By shallow rivers to whose falls Melodious birds sing madrigals.
And I will make thee beds of roses And a thousand fragrant poises, A cap of flowers, and a kirtle Embroidered all with leaves of myrtle;
A gown made of the finest wool Which from our pretty lambs we pull; Fair lined slippers for the cold, With buckles of the purest gold;
A belt of straw and ivy buds, With coral clasps and amber studs; And if these pleasures may thee move, Come live with me, and be my love.
The shepherd’s swains shall dance and sing For thy delight each May morning: If these delights thy mind may move, Then live with me and be my love.
~Christopher Marlowe 1599
1 pot 3 cans chicken stock 2 carrots, cut into slices 2 stalks of celery, cut into slices 1 handful of chopped onion 2-3 chicken breasts, cut into chunks salt and pepper to taste rosemary thyme secret seasonings vegetable bouillon cube flour 1 cup of rice
Pour stock into large pot. Slice carrots and celery and add to stock. Season with salt and pepper. Clean and slice chicken, season to taste, and add to stock. Boil water and dissolve bouillon in 1 c. of water. Add to stock. Bring stock to a boil, lower heat and simmer.
30 minutes before serving prepare rice and add to pot. Taste and re-season if necessary. Mix flour and cold water and thicken soup to desired consistency. Return to boil, then reduce heat and serve.
Makes the soul sing, and raises the spirit. Good for all that ails you.
All of you who love someone, raise your hand.
Now, keep your hand up if that person has ever been really sick. Sick enough that you consider calling 9-1-1 and asking for an ambulance. Scary stuff.
Robert Fulgum once said that one sign you are an adult is when you have to clean the goop out of the sink plug after doing the dishes. When you where a child your mother did that for you. As an adult you are on your own. I’d like to add caring for your spouse when they are really sick to his list.
You have no one to turn to for help. Your helpmate is the one who is sick. You discover that your ability to think coherently goes right out the window. This is one of those “things” that you normally decide together. Only now you can’t.
She’s sick. She needs me. I need her. Oh, how insignificant does the world and its problems seem now, when my heart is aching for her to be well. I can’t do anything for her, really. I fetch water and supplies as they are needed, I wash clothes and sheets, and fix meals. Things that seem small to me, but are huge and loving to her.
I want her to be well again. I want her to laugh and play and walk soft and touch the moon with me once again.
Love isn’t what happens before the wedding ceremony. It isn’t what happens when things are good, and life is calm. Love is what happens when that other person needs you to be tender and caring no matter what. Love is truly putting them first - ahead of work, obligations, even yourself.
I love my wife more than ever before. She trusts me enough to allow me to help her get clean, and to hold her when it is really tough. I am honored to be her husband.
Go home and kiss your loved ones. Be thankful that you have them. Tell them how you feel.
I was raised by list makers. Growing up I could determine the importance and duration of future events from the list making activities of my parents. Grocery lists, gift lists, book lists. Lists of books to buy, lists of book already bought. Yes, even lists of lists.
Growing up in that alphabetized and ordered world I learned to make lists myself. For a time I stopped making lists. My little rebellion against the ordered world. It didn’t take as I still write things down. My wife will tell you that I write everything down and then keep all the little scraps of paper. For a time this was really compulsive. For years whenever I would move to a new apartment or house I’d take along boxes filled with old scraps of paper. Stuff I hadn’t looked at since I wrote it down, but nothing that I could bear to part with.
Today I am more relaxed. I don’t feel the need to write as many things down, and I’ve learned to empty my pockets into the trash can at the end of the day. The only list I really use anymore (on paper, anyway) is the grocery list. I have a page-a-day calendar on my desk and I use the old pages as a note pad. I carefully write out all the things we need and then stick it in my pocket. When I come home, with all the items crossed off I hesitate at the trash can. Do I need this list?
Hmmm.
Milk Eggs Romain Lettuce Cucumber Celery Garlic Onion (red and white) Chicken Rice Soda
Go get 100 pennies. Go on, get ’em. I’ll wait.
…
Now start counting them. What number did you start with? If you are like most people you started with the number one. Not zero, but one. Hmmm.
Do you suppose that one thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine years ago they counted the same way? I’m willing to bet that they did. This means that the first year AD was 1.
Now. What’s a century? 100 years. So. If you start with 1 and continue for 100 years you will be at year 101. Year 1 is the start of the 1st century. Therefore it follows that year 101 is the start of the second. 201 is the start of the third. And so forth.
Guess what?
Year 2000 is the last year of 20th century. And Year 2001 is the first year of the new century.
And, oh by the way, 2001 is the start of the new millennium. Like it or not.
Not that any of this really matters. Like everyone else I like seeing the odometer roll over to a number followed by all those zeros. And for most of us the start of Year 2000 is the biggest roll over, calendar-wise, we are likely to see. However, I just cringe at the thought of going through all this media millennium hype again next year when all the advertisers figure out that they can have another millennium this or that.
Happy New Year.
Zanshin is truth.
Your truth.
What you feel. The direction your essence is headed. The thoughts and ideas you have which shape your actions. Zanshin is everything that is you, and nothing that is not you.
It is easy to abdicate responsibility for our actions. This is not zanshin. Accept that your actions are yours and yours alone. No one else can make you do or say anything. If you believe that your actions, verbal and physical, are the direct result of others then you have false-personality.
False-personality is the story for publication. It contains some pieces of your truth. It also contains falsehoods. False-personality is all the half-truths we hold near and dear. We tell ourselves that we need false-personality in order to allow ourselves to be seen by others and, we use false-personality to cover up those parts of ourselves that we don’t like. Each time you admit some truth about yourself, you reduce your false-personality and step closer to zanshin.
When you accept that your actions have consequences, and that you, and you alone are responsible for those consequences, you achieve zanshin. More importantly you free yourself from the tyranny of pleasing others. Please yourself, celebrate yourself, and love yourself. Let the world take care of itself.
Achieving zanshin is achieving a state of grace with your self. You have simplified your self-concept to the point were it contains only the truth, no matter how painful some of that truth maybe. You have carefully carved away all that is not-truth, all that is false-personality, and you have let go of the burdens that others would have you carry for them.
Carrying the load for others builds karma. Karma is a debt, one that can be very costly for your essence to repay. Striving for zanshin means letting go of the need to build karma, letting go of the need to assume responsibility for others. You are responsible for you, and they are responsible for themselves.
Zanshin is truth.
Your truth.
Your zanshin.
BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD
speak with integrity. say only what you mean.
avoid using the word to speak against yourself
or to gossip about others. use the power of your
word in the direction of Truth and Love.
DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
nothing others do is because of you. what
others say and do is a projection of their own
reality, their own dream. when you are immune
to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t
be the victim of needless suffering.
DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
find the courage to ask questions and to express
what you really want. communicate with others
as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstanding,
sadness, and drama. with just this one agreement
you can transform your life.
ALWAYS BE IN YOUR TRUTH
your truth is going to change from moment to
moment; it will be different when you are
healthy as opposed to sick. under any circumstance,
simply be your truth, and you will avoid
self-judgement, self-abuse, and regret.
adapted from “The Four Agreements:
A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom”
by don Miguel Ruiz